Legal sleuths have discovered a new patent filed by Microsoft earlier this month that might hint at plans for its in-development next-generation console, Project Helix. If you recall, the company rolled out a marketing plan with the slogan, “This is an Xbox” last year, but it was killed by new Microsoft Gaming CEO Asha Sharma, who took over after Phil Spencer’s retirement and Xbox president Sarah Bond’s commendable departure after being wrongfully/disrespectfully/shamefully passed up for the job. In a surprise twist, though, the slogan is already back, according to this patent… kind of.
As spotted by Reddit user u/IWouldKillForXboxAndPlanToActually, this patent includes documentation around a new slogan associated with the rollout of Project Helix: “Now You Are An Xbox.” Though it’s just a patent, meaning things could change, it reveals that the unannounced next-generation Xbox will include DNA helix splicing technology to turn every single user into an Xbox.
As for how it works, it seems to be a new AI-powered technology that works in coordination with the Xbox controller and its connection to the Project Helix console. Upon booting up the console, the controller will prick your finger, utilize your blood to confirm an Xbox Game Pass Ultimate subscription (which our sources say is set to receive a price jump to $49.99 next generation), and then shoot a dose of guanine-cytosine-marcurial-fenixial-john-halox polynucleotides into your veins.
Once your blood has interacted with those polynucleotides, your body will turn into an Xbox. Depending on your blood type, you will become an original Xbox, Xbox 360, or Xbox Series X. There doesn’t appear to be a DNA combination for the Xbox Series S – it seems the company forgot it exists – but faulty splice experiments lead to test subjects turning into the Xbox One (there are images of this specific transformation, but they are too graphic to show here on Game Infarcer).
“No yeah this is seriously so cool, I wish I could do it right now,” u/IWouldKillForXboxAndPlanToActually writes in a post about this patent on /r/Xbox34. “Look at this image I had Grok make for me, it’s how I would look as an Xbox, finally someone might touch me.” The image has 11 downvotes.
Game Infarcer reached out to Microsoft about this patent and received the following statement: “As company policy, we do not comment on rumors or leaks. However, we definitely comment on patent filings. Pretty sick, right? We are going back to the roots of Xbox, the very start of the console wars, to enlist new soldiers in unseen ways. By turning our very customers into Xbox consoles and using AI, we’re confident we can make them do something.”
When we asked what that “something” is, we received “Yeah,” in response. When we asked how Xbox will make money if all of its customers are consoles (that will play their Xbox games on PC and PS5), we also received “Yeah,” in response, curiously with Sharma’s signature at the bottom.
